Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Three Years Ago Today

Three years ago today, I sat on our living room couch feeling the discomforts of 3rd trimester pregnancy, and watched the heavy downpour through the front window. Three years ago today I considered cancelling the ultra-sound appointment with the specialist for that morning, which would require an hour long drive one way. I was confident it would be routine, and she'd tell us our baby was growing fine and send us on our way. Three years ago today I prayed a two-second prayer, asking God to stop the rain if I should go to the appointment. I was surprised and a bit disappointed when the rain stopped minutes later. I was so tired.

Three years ago today, Shawn and I drove to Tulsa under clear skies for what was to be the last of three ultra-sounds. Three years ago today our hearts sank as the specialist told us my amniotic fluid was measuring low, and she wanted to see us back weekly until the baby was born. How could we keep up with this pace when I already had weekly appointments with my OB doctor 45 minutes away?

Three years ago today, I convinced myself that low amniotic fluid wasn't too big of a deal, and though my baby may come a week or two earlier than expected, he would come healthy and whole. Three years ago today I daydreamed about holding my perfect newborn in my arms. Three years ago today, I had no idea of the nature and intensity of the journey we were about to begin in two weeks time. Even if I could have known, I probably wouldn't have believed it. Three years ago today, I still had it figured out what things would look like with our new baby (or at least I thought I did).

Now it is today, and I am reflecting back over three years that have been very different than I ever thought possible. And yet, there are still many things that are not so different. This morning I have experienced many of the typical activities for a stay-at-home mom with a young child (except for maybe Benjamin's hour in his Super Stand!) There have been dirty diapers to change and messy mouths to clean. There have been noisy toys and a busy boy. There have been kisses and cuddles, songs and giggles. Most importantly, there has been a lot of love.

Just as I could never have been prepared for how much trial we would face after Benjamin's birth, I don't think I could have been prepared either for the depth of love I would feel for my child. Oh, I knew I would love him crazy, but as any parent will tell you, I didn't really know until I got to meet him. What will the next three years hold? I have no idea, but I do know they will be full of love. This time, though, I'm going to work hard at not trying to figure it out!

This picture was taken less than a week later at our childbirth class.

Almost three years old!

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