Saturday, January 3, 2015

Baby Love

"There is little Benjamin their leader..." (Psalm 68:27). I remember well the night that I felt the Holy Spirit whisper this Psalm to my heart. It was fall of 2008, and the next morning I would take the pregnancy test that would open up the world of parenthood to Shawn and me. After two years of trying to conceive and a multitude of disappointments, I was almost afraid to hope that my dream of having a baby might finally be coming true. We always desired to name our first son Benjamin. This scripture spoken to my heart brought so much encouragement. Indeed, Benjamin was growing inside of my womb, and he would be leading the way for any future children to come. While we could never have imagined the challenges and heartache we would face at the time of his birth, we also could not imagine the depth of love we would feel for our new baby boy. In the midst of the shock and pain surrounding his diagnosis and multiple health complications, our hearts felt as though they would burst with a love unlike any we had experienced before. To see Benjamin was to love him.

For nearly the next four years, Benjamin had Mommy and Daddy all to himself as we loved him, nurtured him, and came along side him to overcome the many challenges that came our way. And while the desire for more children was always present within me, I so cherished the time with my sweet son. In retrospect, I think he needed that time to have us all to himself.

Then in February of 2013, we welcomed our beautiful daughter Joelle into the world. I remember the day the ultra-sound technician announced, "It looks like you have a girl!" and my heart leapt inside of me. Holding my healthy newborn and bringing her home within just a few days brought such healing to my heart. She is such a gift to us!

She is nearly two years old as I write this, and she is our busy, energetic, strong-willed, and affectionate little princess! Shawn and I take so much delight in watching her personality emerge. We also enjoy watching Benjamin and Joelle together. There were some bumpy times as we transitioned from being a family of three to a family of four, but I know my children are so good for each other. Like all siblings, they demonstrate jealousy and frustration towards each other at times, but there are also sweet moments of smiles, laughter and even kisses blown. They learn from each other and copy each other, some habits good and some habits bad!  I look forward to watching their relationship develop and mature over the years.

Recently we were delightfully surprised to discover that I am pregnant with our third child! When I was expecting Joelle, it was hard to fathom being able to love another child as intensely as I love Benjamin, though I knew I would. The love I have for each of my children is unique--I love them for exactly who they are. They don't receive a portion of my love; they have the fullness of my love. As the beautiful reality is sinking in that our family of four is becoming a family of five, my heart is thrilled to consider having another precious baby to love. I am a blessed woman!

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