Sacrifice of Praise

Psalm 116:17 reads “I will offer to You the sacrifice of thanksgiving and will call on the name of the Lord.” One of the hardest things to do when you’re hurting is to praise God. It doesn’t come naturally. It takes a determined act of the will. And when you’re really hurting, it’s hard to find the determination to do much of anything.

I wrestled with this over and over in the months following my son’s birth. I didn’t want to praise God; I was angry with God, and I would feel guilty for my anger one moment and justified in it the next. At the same time, though, I knew I couldn’t survive without Jesus, and the fear of my heart growing cold towards Him was greater than the anger in my heart. So, I would pour out my emotions to Him and ask Him to heal my heart. But to praise Him, to thank Him in the midst of so much heartbreak, was a constant struggle.

However, as time went on, and I chose to praise Him, even though my heart was torn and bleeding and even though I didn’t feel like praising Him, my heart began to come alive again bit by bit.  I discovered that there can truly be joy in the midst of sorrow. I also realized that it was and is a privilege to praise Jesus in the midst of my pain, for this is a gift I can bring to Him only during this short season of time. Life passes by like a mist and then eternity is upon us. For those who have been born again by the sacrificial blood of Jesus, He promises to “…wipe away every tear from their eyes,” in the age to come (see Revelation 7:17).  In this tiny window of opportunity, I can give Him the gift of my love and my worship in the middle of my pain. What a precious thing to bring to the One who endured so much pain and suffering for me because of love!

I play guitar and have been writing songs since 2005. Sitting with my guitar before the Lord and singing to Him in worship is such a big part of who I am. However, for months after Benjamin’s birth, my guitar sat untouched. For a season I stepped down from leading worship at my church and at our prayer group gatherings.  It just wasn’t in me. I knew healing was taking place inside me when I started to pick up my guitar again. Pre-written songs couldn’t express what was in my heart, though, so I sat down with pen and paper one day and wrote lyrics for a new song to the Lord, which is as much to say that I wrote out a prayer. In a short time, the Holy Spirit gave me music to go with the words, and I was again able to express my heart before Him in song. What a release and freedom came as a result! In the place of praise and worship, life’s cares take on their proper perspective, and I am reminded that I am created for Him and Him alone. My life is to be lived unto His glory, and He can do whatever He wants with me. He is perfect love and perfect peace, and He is orchestrating things for my best interest from an eternal perspective. One day in eternity, I will look back and see the wisdom and beauty of His leadership over my life, and oh how I will praise Him in that day!

“For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome. Then you will call upon Me, and you will come and pray to Me, and I will hear and heed you. Then you will seek Me, inquire for, and require Me [as a vital necessity] and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.” (Jeremiah 29:11-13 Amplified Bible).

Awakening

Why does my heart feel so numb? Where has the fire gone?

I slumber and I stumble in the dark of night. When will I see the dawn?

I remember the rainbows after the rain, Your promises spoken to me.

So I stir up my soul and I cry out to You, the One who holds the key

More than answers, I want Your face.

More than solutions, I need Your embrace,

So I lay down my heart, Lord, down at Your feet

To be broken, awakened, healed and set free.

I want what’s real, what’s fresh and alive. This is my heart’s only cry.

Weed out the doubt, lies and confusion. Cause this flesh to die.

Make my life a prelude to heaven, completely consumed by You.

Holy Spirit, come and fan the flame, You who make all things new.

More than answers, I want Your face.

More than solutions, I need Your embrace,

So I lay down my heart, Lord, down at Your feet

To be broken, awakened, healed and set free.