Angels Among Us

“See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven.” –Matthew 18:10 NIV

I am convinced that my son sees angels. Ever since he was a baby there have been times that his face will light up with delight and he will look intently up near the ceiling. His gaze will shift as though he is tracking something that is moving all around. These experiences often happen in an atmosphere of worship, though there have been many times Benjamin is simply playing in the living room, and he will suddenly demonstrate this behavior. There are a few songs that I sing to my little boy that seem to trigger this response in him as well. He has his repertoire of children’s songs he likes me to sing to him, and he will engage with me for each one. Often, though, when I reach two certain songs, his attention will drift from me, and he will turn to look towards the ceiling, obviously full of joy. The first song is inspired by a passage in Proverbs:

A cheerful heart is good medicine, good medicine, good medicine

A cheerful heart is good medicine, Proverbs 17:22

So dance, dance, dance everybody

Dance, dance, dance everybody

Dance, dance, dance everybody

Everybody dance!

I wonder if he is watching the angels dance! The second song is lovingly termed “Benjamin’s Song.” When I carried him in my womb, I asked the Lord to give me a song for my child that would speak of his identity and destiny. The Bible says in Zephaniah 3:17, “For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With His love, He will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs,” (NLT, bold font mine). Simple lyrics and melody flooded my heart, and “Benjamin’s Song” was born:

 

Mighty warrior, child of God

Mighty warrior, child of God

Mighty warrior, child of God

Benjamin Lee, beautiful boy

Benjamin Lee, beloved of the Lord

Benjamin Lee, son of my right hand

Benjamin Lee

I try to make a habit of singing this song over Benjamin daily, and he responds every time. Even if his mind is not grasping the meaning of the words, his spirit is being touched. I am so encouraged to know that my son’s cognitive limitations in no way hinder him from being able to experience the presence of God. In fact, I believe his simplicity makes is easier for him to receive and encounter the supernatural realm.

After we tuck Benjamin in at night, we always play a worship CD in his room. Sometimes he goes right to sleep, but other times we hear him making vocalizations that have a singing quality to them. We will then here delighted squeals and laughter. I believe he is encountering heaven’s realities in these moments!

In our culture that is so bound to our own rationale and physical senses, it’s easy, even as Christians, to forget the invisible realm that is present all around us. However, according to Paul, the unseen is the greater reality. “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal,” (2 Corinthians 4:18 NIV). The things we can see and experience with our physical senses are passing away, but those things we cannot see will endure forever. Angels are a very present reality, and they are God’s gift to us. “Are not all angels ministering spirits sent to serve those who will inherit salvation?” (Hebrews 1:14, NIV). “For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways,” (Psalm 91:11, NIV).

My son gives me constant reminders that there are truly angels among us. I will often find my heart turning in worship to the Lord as I observe my son responding to things that my eyes have not been opened to see. I pray that one day he will be able to articulate his experiences. I pray that they will remain with him throughout his life. I pray that in time my eyes will be open to see what he sees.

As a closing thought, I believe God’s signs and wonders are often signs to make you wonder! We will never be able to figure everything out, and if we think we can, we have reduced an Almighty, limitless God to the same size as us. What a tragedy! Jesus told us in Matthew 18:3, “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the Kingdom of heaven,” (NIV).Children don’t insist on analyzing everything before they are willing to believe. They simply believe. They live in the wonder of discovery and awe over things they may not understand. I desire to keep my heart tender to the Lord in this way. He doesn’t have to explain everything to me. I welcome Him to fill my heart with wonder. One sign that makes me wonder is the orbs of light that sometimes present themselves on pictures I have taken. They will vary in size and brightness. Sometimes I will take several pictures in a row, and they will shift in location or may appear or disappear all together. I wonder if I am seeing a physical manifestation of the angelic realm in these photos. While I cannot prove my theory, I am nonetheless encouraged by the reminder that the Lord’s presence is with me and my family, and that He has assigned angels to us. We are not alone!

 

 

 

(In the above picture, I was reading a children's story about the Father heart of God.)

 

 

(Children's Christmas play at our church)

 

 

 

Help from Readers

Dear readers,

As I mentioned in my previous post, I am working on book inspired by this blog. If you have been encouraged by what you have read here, would you please consider sending me a short endorsement? You can share how you have been touched by our story, a specific blog that has been especially meaningful to you, etc. Please let me know if you are comfortable with having your name in print in the endorsement section of the book or if you would rather remain anonymous. You can leave your comments on this blog site or on my Facebook page. Thank you so much!

Dana

Tell Your Story

Some time during Benjamin's first year, I received a special gift from a friend that still hangs on the wall of our bedroom. It is a colorful, small wood carving of a woman holding a bird with the words, "Tell Your Story." This blog has been a wonderful outlet for doing just that, but I am ready to take things to the next level. I have hardly blogged at all this year, partially due to the busyness of caring for two small children, but largely due to my current project of compiling much of my writing into book form. My husband graciously releases me on Saturday mornings to head to my favorite coffee shop and work on crafting wings for this new "bird" to fly. To date I have a completed rough draft for my book Reflections from Holland: A New Mother's Journey with Down Syndrome. I will soon begin seeking to have it self-published. I think I know which avenue to use for this, but I would appreciate prayers for continued wisdom and direction. Stay tuned for more unfolding details to come!

 

A Time to Cherish

I wrote this a week ago...

“One of the best things you can ever do for your son is to have another child.” I heard these words on several occasions from Benjamin’s physical therapist before that happy day in July 2012 when we learned I was finally pregnant for the second time. We had always planned on having more children; having a child with Down syndrome neither discouraged nor motivated our desire. However, I was (and still am) excited about the benefits Benjamin will receive from having a sibling. On the flip side, though, his therapist also told us to expect that new layers of grief would emerge upon the arrival of a “typical” child. Watching our next child naturally develop would cause us to recognize more and more just how hard our son has had to work to meet developmental milestones.

During the months I was pregnant with Joelle, I was intentional to ask the Lord to speak to me about her life. I remember the day He whispered to my heart, “Enjoy her! Enjoy the process of growth. She will be a healing balm.” As we are now quickly approaching the celebration of her first birthday at the end of next month, I am keenly aware of how true all of the dynamics mentioned above have been—benefits, grief, joy and healing.

The healing began early in the morning of February 28, 2013. The evening before, I cuddled Benjamin next to me on the couch as he drifted off to sleep. It was a bittersweet moment as reality hit that this was the last time it would just be Benjamin and Mommy. Starting the next day he would have to share me. I held him close and soaked in the moment.  I could barely sleep that night, due in part to the discomforts of late term pregnancy, but even more so because of the anticipation of knowing we would soon meet our baby girl! (Due to my necessary C-section with Benjamin, I would have been hard-pressed to find a hospital or provider in our area who would allow me to try a vaginal delivery. The C-section was scheduled for one week prior to my due date). When the alarm went off before the crack of dawn, I was eager to change into my comfy fleece pants and pull-over and head for the hospital. My mom, who had arrived the week before to help with the new baby, sleepily saw us out the door. “Dana, you’re glowing!” she exclaimed.

 Shawn and I talked and prayed as we made the drive across town. It was such a new feeling to know we were having our baby today in contrast to the shock of Benjamin’s early delivery nearly four years before. As the surgical team began to prep me for the C-section, I prayed that Jesus would hold me and surround me with His peace, for I clearly remembered the terror of my previous experience. While the spinal was being administered, a calmness rested on my heart, and I knew this time it was going to be so different. Soon my newborn daughter’s shrill, strong cries pierced the air, and I smiled confidently that she would have no difficulty breathing on her own. It was hard to contain my excitement as she was cleaned, weighed and measured. I was going see my baby right away this time! My heart felt like it would burst when Shawn held our swaddled daughter by my head so I could look at her and kiss her face while my C-section was being completed.

Once in my hospital room I had only a short wait before little Joelle was placed in my arms. My mom walked into the room less than a minute later, her face beaming, as I serenely said, “I just got her!” It was a beautiful moment. There were no tubes, wires or ventilator to hinder my view of her tiny features. Instead of touching little hands and feet in a NICU bed, I had my baby where she belonged—cradled in my arms, close to my breast. It was a very healing day!

I won’t go into all the details about the contrasts that accompanied the next several weeks as Shawn and I had the first time experience of what it was to care for a healthy newborn. Benjamin’s early months were mostly spent in the hospital, coupled with his extreme fatigue as a result of the holes in his heart. I was also mostly recovered from the C-section before Benjamin was able to come home. Joelle was a high-maintenance baby from day one, and we were exhausted! While I was pregnant, all I could think about was how glorious it would be to bring a healthy baby home right away. I was so thankful that she was healthy and that she was home, but I had underestimated the degree of work and energy that would be involved, especially while recovering from major surgery. I used to have to wake Benjamin up to nurse. Now I was praying that my baby would sleep for just a little bit between feedings! It took a while before we got into a rhythm and life began to have a normal balance to it again.

During these last ten and half months, I feel like I’ve had to learn to be a parent all over again. I know that every child is different, but I believe that when you have a child with a disability the differences are so much more apparent. It has been both thrilling and heart-wrenching at times to watch Joelle’s natural progression of development. As she will suddenly master a new skill, I will remember the great amount of time and effort involved for Benjamin to reach the same milestone. The day I first offered her a sippy cup I was shocked as she immediately latched on and began to suck. (To get a fuller picture of how monumental this was for me, see my June 2011 blog post “Lessons from a Sippy Cup”). I have been amazed at her alertness and curiosity as well as her motor and language development.  Last week I was reading a book to her and pointed at a picture on the page. Without skipping a beat, she extended her index finger and pointed at every page in the book as we continued to read. I wasn’t trying to teach her to point; she just did it. I was a bit dumbfounded because one of the skills Benjamin’s speech therapist and we are currently working on is to teach him to point!

With speech in mind, there was the amazing day when Joelle was eight months old, and she spoke her first purposeful word. She was sitting in her high chair while Shawn, my mom and I were seated around the table. Looking at me, Joelle began to say, “Mama! Mama!” and clearly wanted me to hold her. It was simultaneously one of the most beautiful and painful moments of my life as a mother.  I had waited over four years to hear that word spoken to me, and while my heart melted to hear it from my baby girl, my heart broke that I am still waiting to hear it from my son. I know it will come in time, just as so many other things have before.

Though they are nearly four years apart, many of my interactions with Benjamin and Joelle are very similar at this point. The same games and songs bring delighted squeals and laughter from both. The same books and movies capture their attention. The same toys are played with (and fought over). There are moments when I want to laugh and cry, such as the day when both children sat on the floor chewing on a sock! In those moments, I have to choose to laugh. In those moments I have to remind myself to enjoy and cherish the present. The developmental stages that have felt so dragged out with Benjamin will continue to progress over time, and I don’t want to look back with regret that I didn’t savor this time when my children are young.

I also have to remind myself how very far my son has come since the arrival of his sister. I remember so well the day I was still recovering in the hospital, and Shawn brought Benjamin in to see me with the news that he had just walked unassisted all the way from the parking garage! It was a huge turning point and answer to prayer. He is now walking around everywhere and gaining more and more independence. He is learning to feed himself and play with more focused attention. He is communicating through some sign language, and is thrilled at attend Pre-K every morning. He is branching out to new relationships and becoming more and more of his own little person. I am so proud of him!

As anticipated, the adjustment to having a sibling has been a challenging one for Benjamin, but overall he has done better than we expected. His initial response when we brought Joelle home from the hospital was to ignore her. (He even ignored me for the first day, which I never would have imagined)! In time his curiosity won over, and he began to look at her and touch her, often smiling and laughing as he did so. For the most part he has been gentle with her, though there has been some hitting along the way. He is also careful to step around her when she’s playing on the floor. There is definitely jealousy, too, as he adjusts to sharing Mommy and Daddy’s attention, not to mention his toys! However, none of his responses have been any different from what would be expected from any first child. Joelle continues to be fascinated by her big brother and everything he does. She is so eager to follow him and try to do whatever he’s doing. This will really get interesting once she begins walking! I look forward to witnessing the continual unfolding of their relationship.

The contrasts between my two beautiful children will become more and more apparent as time goes by, but I am reminded that I need to celebrate them both at exactly where they are and for who they are. Even as I drove to the coffee shop this morning with this blog already beginning to compose itself in my mind, I found myself praying, “Lord, help me be free to be me. Help me to be who You intended for me to be.” How quick I can be to compare myself with others, either feeling that I am coming up short or wondering why they are struggling with an area I’ve had grace to overcome. When I am aware that I am going down this road, I ask the Lord to forgive me, but I will often find myself walking there again. I am so thankful for how incredibly patient He is with my weaknesses. He is neither offended nor surprised by them, and He is committed to helping me to grow and overcome. My children remind me that we all have different areas of strength and weakness, and we need each other. We are to bear with each other in our weaknesses and rejoice with each other in our victories. Above all, we are called to love. As I raise my children I want to maintain the perspective that the greatness of their lives will not be measured by their level of abilities but by their ability to love. My greatest dream for them both is that they will love Jesus, the Lover of their souls, with all that they are and that they will extend that love to those around them. This will be a life well-lived, a life to be cherished!  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Buddy Walk 2013

On a sunny Sunday afternoon on October 20, the Hemminger family plus Grandma Jan loaded into the car and headed to Tulsa for the Down Syndrome Association of Tulsa's annual Buddy Walk. This lively event that celebrates individuals with Down syndrome and raises awareness is one we look forward to each year. Our fourth year to attend, this year's Buddy Walk was extra special for a number of reasons. For one, it was Joelle's first time to participate. I keenly remember the physical discomforts of last year's walk with a baby in the belly! Secondly, Grandma Jan was able to join us, not as an out-of-state guest in our home, but as our neighbor across the street! At this time last year, none of us could have imagined that she would have just moved to Oklahoma within a year. Having her here is such a gift for our family! The thing that made this year's walk the most special, however, was the joy of seeing Benjamin actually WALK during the Buddy Walk! What a celebration! Here is a photo album journey to commemorate the day:

 

Here's Benjamin picking a prize from the bucket. He tried to get a whole handful!

 

 

Daddy helped Benjamin "fish" for a prize.

 

 

They caught one!

 

 

Ring toss!

 

 

How does this work, Daddy?

 

 

He's not sure what to think of this game.

 

 

Father and son working together

 

 

He got the ball in the cup!

 

 

Spin the wheel for a prize!

 

 

My little man is sporting his new green beads!

 

 

Daddy's so fun!

 

 

My two sweeties!

 

 

Shoulder ride!

 

 

The walk has begun...

 

 

I get to hold Mommy and Grandma's hands!

 

 

Way to go, Benjamin!

 

 

Joelle's received a participation medal too. : )

 

 

Happy family!

 

 

We love Grandma Jan!

 

The Low Down on Down Syndrome Awareness

October is National Down Syndrome Month:

Did you know?....

• In 1866, John Langdon Down, an English physician, published a description of a person with Down syndrome. The syndrome was later named for him in acknowledgement of his historical work.  Benjamin is a child who happens to have Down syndrome. He is not a "Down's kid," and he is not a diagnosis.

• Down syndrome is a chromosomal abnormality that occurs in about 1 in 800 live births. For some unexplained reason, an error in cell developement results in 47 chromosomes rather than the usual 46. There's nothing we did to cause it, and there's nothing we could do to prevent it.

• There are many medical challenges that a child with Down syndrome faces. Most of them are treatable with the advances of modern medicine. Heart defects occur in about 40% of the Down syndrome population. God blessed us with an amazing heart surgeon, and He has seen us through each new challenge. Benjamin now has a healthy heart!

• People with Down syndrome are more likely normally developing individuals than they are different. There is a great diversity within the population in terms of personality, intelligence, appearance, emotions and attitude. Benjamin cannot and should not be put in a box. He is his own unique person, lovingly created by the same God who made you and me!

• Thousands of people with Down syndrome are livng their lives without fame or fanfare and transforming their communities just be being there. Our son is already making a difference in the lives of many people.

• Individuals with Down syndrome may be identified by physical characteristics which may or may not be present themselves in any one individual. One such characteristic is the beautiful almond shaped eyes. Benjamin does have beautiful eyes, but when we look at him we don't see Down syndrome, we see our son.

• Down syndrome can occur anywhere in the birth order (first, middle or last). It occurs evenly in boys and girls and in all races, nationalities and ethnic groups. Benjamin is an awesome big brother and is adored by his baby sister!

• On standard IQ tests, children with Down syndrome most often score in the mild to moderate range of mental retardation. These tests do not measure many important areas of intelligence, and you will often be surprised by the memory, insight, creativity, and cleverness of these children. Benjamin has surprised us many times, and we are so proud of him!

• About 80% of babies with Down syndrome are born to mothers under the age of 35. I was 5 days shy of 27 when my son was born.

• The medical term for Down syndrome is Trisomy 21. It is so named because there is an extra chromosome associated with the 21st pair of chromosomes. And we love all 47!

• About 6,000 babies with Down syndrome are born in the United States every year. The national population of individuals with Down syndrome is estimated to be 350,000. At first it was easy to ask "Why me?" However, our lives have been enriched through this journey of raising a child with Down syndrome, and we are so grateful to have Benjamin as our son.

(*Information taken from the Down Syndrome Association of Tulsa 2010 calendar)



Dream Come True

What do you want to be when you grow up? This is a question that every child is asked throughout their years of childhood, the answer to which may change from year to year as they develop and mature. I remember the many answers I had to this question during my own growing up years: singer, writer, teacher, actress, veterinarian (only for a short time until I realized I would actually have to do things that involved blood and needles, not just play with animals all day)! While many things from this list still ring true to the passions of my heart, there is one answer that has always been deeply rooted inside of me, unchanging amid the many changes of childhood and adolescence. What do you want to be when you grow up?—a Mommy!

As a teenager I would have told you that my ideal life scenario would be to marry a pastor and be a stay-at-home mom. I envisioned the beauty and romance of being married to a godly man and ministering together, raising adorable and well-behaved children, and being a model homemaker as I spent my days in the bliss of motherhood—reading books, singing songs, baking cookies, making crafts, playing imaginative games, etc…In my mind it was a picture of true contentment, my “happily ever after” if you will.

This was my dream at sixteen. I am now thirty-one, and by most outward appearances I am living my dream. I did marry a wonderful and godly man. In our early years of marriage we were involved in youth ministry together. For the last two years he has been ministering in a pastoral role at the small church we helped to plant. He also has the opportunity to pastor young hearts in his new job as special education teacher at one of our local middle schools. I love him and respect him, proud of the man he is and is becoming. I am privileged to be a stay-at-home mom for our two precious children and believe that in time there will be more to come. I do spend my days reading books, and singing songs, and rocking babies, and cooking meals, and keeping house, and the list goes on and on… Yet in the midst of these blessings, I’ve had to come face to face with the restlessness of my own heart. For one thing, when I was sixteen I didn’t always take into account the amount of hard work and monotony that actually comes with maintaining a marriage, raising a family, and keeping a home. I also didn’t fully take into account that no dream fulfilled, no matter how beautiful or noble, can truly satisfy my heart—only Jesus can.

I was talking with my husband in the car awhile back and sharing with him some of the struggles I was experiencing. I was feeling lonely in my role as a homemaker. I was feeling disappointed that I was limited in the activities I could be involved in, especially at our church. I was feeling discouraged thinking I was missing the mark in almost every area of my life. I felt like I was somehow “missing out.” As is often his advice, Shawn exhorted me that I needed to ask the Lord for His perspective on things and allow Him to change my paradigm. Somewhere in the midst of this I recognized the irony of my own woes and had to laugh at myself. You said you wanted to be a pastor’s wife and homemaker. God has given you the desires of your heart!

Recently the Lord has been bringing me wonderful encouragement concerning my role and calling as a mother. Some of it has been through the heartfelt writing of other moms, some has been through spoken testimonies, and some has been through His own whisperings to my heart. But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven,” (Matthew 19:14). He has been lovingly reminding me of things I’ve known to be true but have sometimes lost sight of in the midst of the busyness and demands of each day. Mothers are given the extraordinary responsibility and privilege of raising up the next generation of world changers. We are called to nurture, teach, and disciple the little ones who are to inherit the Kingdom of God. Our words and actions are forming our children’s earliest framework for how they will view God; we are called to be a representation of His heart! We are entrusted with stewarding, for a season, the lives of the very ones who hold such immense value in His heart. These are the ones He created, the ones He poured out His blood to redeem, the ones who have been in His heart for all eternity. Motherhood is a high calling, but it is a calling that must be walked out in the ordinary, mundane, everyday issues of life. It is also a calling that can only be fulfilled as I set my heart to love and worship Jesus in midst of these very things. This is where true life and contentment is found.

We all have different dreams, but the truth is, no matter how big or small a dream may be, no matter how ordinary or extraordinary it appears, a dream in itself is powerless to bring lasting contentment, and it is ultimately meaningless if it is not rooted in relationship with Jesus Christ. There have been many great accomplishments in the eyes of man throughout history that will be forgotten in eternity. Yet there have been many simple, hidden lives, unnoticed by the world around, loving Jesus wholeheartedly and faithfully serving in the situations of everyday life that will be remembered and celebrated in heaven. This gives me great hope and renewed vision for how I want to live my life in this season and every season. When I focus my heart on Jesus in simple love and worship as I sweep Cheerios off the floor for the second time today, or as I change another dirty diaper, or as I sing “The Wheels on the Bus” for the hundredth time, it is noticed and remembered in heaven. When done in love of Him, no task is insignificant, and it carries the promise of eternal reward.  And as I speak words of life and destiny into my children and shower them with love and affection as we go throughout our very natural days, I am helping to paint a portrait for them of a supernatural God Who loves them crazy and has called them to be His own.

Yes, being a wife and mother is a dream come true, but the greatest dream of my heart is to be a whole-hearted lover of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and to grow in the knowledge of Him. It is only in the pursuit of this dream that I can be the wife and mother He has called me to be. This is the dream that must consume all other dreams. This is my true dream of happily ever after!